Yarik wrote:Code: Select all
A tall well-built women with good reputation, who can cook frogs legs, who apreciates a good fuc- schia garden, classical music and tal -king without getting too serious. But please only read lines 1,3 and 5
The man says, President Bush was kidnapped and the ransom is $5 Million dollars, and that if the ransom is not paid, the kidnappers have threatened to douse him with gasoline and set him on fire!
"We are doing a collection, do you wish to participate?"
The man asks "on the average what are people giving?"
The man says "5 to 10 liters!"
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There was a blonde in New York City taking a shortcut through the mall to work. She comes to a window which is displaying a new thermos. But, of course, she didnt know what it was because she is a blonde. She call a clerk over and asks what the thing in the window(the thermos) is. The clerk says "its a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The blonde says"wow! Ill buy one" and continues on her walk to her job.
The blonde goes to work and the boss is doing her weekly "office clenliness check. Her boss finally arrives at the blondes cubicle and, the boss being a blonde too, sees her employees thermos, and the boss asks what it is. The blonde emplyee says "its a thermos. it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss is amazed and asks the blonde employee "what do you have in it?"
The employee responds "Two popsicles and some coffee"
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The Scientist and the Frog
There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "frog with four feet, jumps four feet."
So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "frog with three feet, jumps three feet."
So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook "frog with two feet, jumps two feet."
The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "frog with one foot, jumps one foot."
So the scientist cut off his last leg.
"He said, "Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!"
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."Code: Select all
There was a guy in the middle of the desert and his car broke down. He started walking and he came to a monastery, where he asked them if he could borrow a mule. The monks lent him one, and they explained that you had to say ?Thank the Lord!? to make it go and ?Amen!? to make it stop. So the man said, ?Thank the lord, thank the lord and thank the lord!? and the mule took off! He was comming to the edge of a cliff and he forgot how to make it stop. Finally, at the very edge he remembered, ?Amen!? Tee guy was so releved he shouted, ?Thank the lord!?
How to Annoy People in Restaurants Part II
(tip: don't try these if you're not willing to risk being beaten up)
1. Poke the person next to you repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother.
2. This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair or try to turn around, look at the ceiling or pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly.
3. Tap your fingernails on the table top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.)
4. Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your seat whilst muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying.
5. Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their food back.