30 true facts of T-ism
Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:55 am
The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
If you were born before 1980, there is a good chance that Mr. T is your father. If you were born after, it's guaranteed.
Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
Mr. T actually beat Rocky in Rocky III. In fact he killed Slyvester Stallone with his first punch. And wore his skin to make Rocky IV.
When he found out he would lose the rematch while making Rocky III, Mr. T administered to Sylvester Stallone an angy look. Seeing Mr. T's anger broke every bone in Sly's face, left him mildly retarded and unable to remember the incident. To this day, Sly has no idea why he shits his pants at the mere sight of a black man with a mohawk.
Mr. T once fell into a pool of lava. He nearly drowned.
Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.
You can lead Mr. T to water, but chances are that you will die there.
Stephen Hawking argued that there are only nine planets in the solar system. Just to prove the sucka wrong Mr. T created a tenth planet, Pitius, out of the liquid uranium he secretes from his nipples. To this day Stephen Hawking continues to sit in sheer amazement.
Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you.
Mr. T didn't know Rocky was a movie. He just wanted to kick the shit out of a white guy and steal his bitch, A-team style.
