.Map :: MoHAA Mapping

Code: Select all

	************************************
	*Bristol retarded lines book, 2006!*
	************************************
	*				   * 
	* Starring:			   *
	* 				   *
	* Robert Morgan-Jones 	[Rob]	14 *
	* Louis Martin 		[Louis] 8  *
	* Jaskaran Bal 		[Jas]   5  *
	*				   *
	* Cameo appearances from:	   *
	*				   *
	* Lydia Diaz		[Lydia] 4  *
	* Sarah	Hopkins		[Sarah] 3  *
	* Faith Halliday	[Faith] 3  *
	* Ben Dursley		[Ben]   2  *
	* Tom			[Tom]   1  *
	* Fabi			[Fabi]  1  *
	* Andy Morgan		[Andy]  1  *
	* Edward Mckeon		[Ed]    1  *
	* Kevin			[Kevin] 1  *
	* Richard Morley	[Molo]  1  *
	* Richard Morgan-Jones	[Rich]  1  *
	* Amy Sweet		[Amy]   1  *
	*				   *
	************************************

Lydia: '... you lot are gun-toting crack-heads...'
-=-
Louis: 'Crash helmets - definatley the best thing for people since... like... the internet'
-=-
Sarah: 'Its kinda fun scanning in bar-codes'
-=-
Tom: 'Is rubber elastic?' [Economics]
-=-
Witchy leper mate!
-=-
Sarah: 'It's camp as a row of tents'
-=-
Louis: 'You can have a threesome with me and Rob...'
Faith: 'Yeah, but I wouldn't get any attention!'
-=-
Rob: 'Pokemon cards are really expensive' [Completely unrelated]
-=-
Fabi: 'I wouldn't stick my cock in my mouth...'
-=-
Brish = Bare Trekky Mish
-=-
Rob: 'They should make a goth coffee and call it a depresso'
-=-
Jas: 'I'll literally kill you' [With War and Peace]
-=-
Rob: 'Well, a hundred hundreds is a thousand... oh wait'
-=-
Andy: 'Don't you wish it was more socially acceptible to eat a lemon in public?'
-=-
Rob: 'You'd have to pay me to work in a shoe shop...'
-=-
Ed: 'Suck it harder, till the back of your throat tickles' [About a shisha]
-=-
Rob: '...as much as i like the feel of a fag between my lips...'
-=-
Rob: 'Ed, I think your camel is going mouldy...' [Moses and Les]
-=-
Faith: 'Jas, are you Egyptian?!?'
-=-
Lydia: 'It's not part of my job to teach you how to snort cocain'
-=-
Lydia: 'Who's gonna kick their ass if they get it wrong... Gony Blair...' [MPC]
-=-
'I don't know what you want, but I have what you need' [Egypt in the Bazaar]
-=-
Kevin: 'What you have given me is inane drivel of the highest order' [About film work]
-=-
Frankie: 'Is my synopsis any good?'
Kevin: 'Uhhh... no.'
-=-
Starbucks attendant: 'See that CCTV camera up there? We can see you from downstairs and its like 
                      watching a porn film; tone it down please' [To Sarah and I]
-=-
Jas: 'If I beat you around the head with a snooker cue, would I detatch your retinas?'
-=-
Rob; 'When a teacher draws a black red line, you probably shouldn't cross it...'
-=-
Louis: 'Hurry up and press start dude!'
Molo: 'I've been pressing start for ages... my thumb is fucking numb'
-=-
Rob: 'These materials are raw!'
-=-
Jas: 'We don't have a dishwasher, we wash up by hand'
Rob: 'Rinsed'
-=-
Louis: 'Anarchy --> Communism --> Star Trek?' [On economics work]
-=-
Louis: 'Doesn't the cock come along and... like... piss on the egg? Isn't that how it works?' [About fertilising eggs]
-=-
Rich: 'Isn't Plato a greek god?' [About a quote from Plato]
-=-
Louis: 'So we need to like.. do something'
Faith: 'You can do me'
-=-
Rob: 'I will poke you with a salmon... whence i find one'
-=-
Sarah: 'Fighting for peace? Well why don't we all shag for virginity whilst we're there?'
-=-
Rob: 'And on the other hand... I have fingers'
-=-
Louis: 'That gasses my Jew' [Synonym to 'That floats my boat']
-=-
Amy: '... and that left me standing in the rain for hours!'
Rob: 'Rinsed'
-=-
Louis: 'That Lynx can is the pinnicle of beacon-ness'
-=-
Jas: 'Rob, I'm picking you up on the Gaydar!' [Whilst playing with a paper clip]
-=-
Snobleterinafish!
-=-
Lydia: '8 out of 10 people say this product makes your winkles look smaller...
	I mean wrinkles! You wouldn't want your winkle to look smaller, eh?'
-=-
Jas: 'Isn't it Dale Winton who had a dead gay guy in his pool?
Rob: 'Yeah, Rinsed!'
-=-
Ben: 'The twinkles gone out of my star'
-=-
Rob: 'I'll pour holy water on your face!'
Ben: 'Rinsed'
-=-

Code: Select all

	funny_dudes:
	if ((getcvar("funny_dudes") != "1") || ($player.size < 2))
	{
	wait 4
	thread funny_dudes
	end
	}
	local.funny_dude = randomint($player.size)
	local.player = $player[local.funny_dude]
	local.joke = randomint (83)+1
	switch (local.joke)
	{
	case 1:
local.player stufftext "say It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
	break
	case 2:
local.player stufftext "say Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone."
	break
	case 3:
local.player stufftext "say I Aim To Please. You aim too, please!"
	break
	case 4:
local.player stufftext "say Some days it takes effort to just keep up with the noobs."
	break
	case 5:
local.player stufftext "say Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up."
	break
	case 6:
local.player stufftext "say Scotty beam me up! There's no intelligent life down here."
	break
	case 7:
local.player stufftext "say Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
	break
	case 8:
local.player stufftext "say Teamwork is vital, It gives you someone to blame."
	break
	case 9:
local.player stufftext "say There are only two kinds of players, the dead and the deadly."
	break
	case 10:
local.player stufftext "say You're not the only one who thinks I don't know what I'm doing."
	break

	case 11:
local.player stufftext "say Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!"
	break
	case 12:
local.player stufftext "say Violence and good looking women go together.....ain't nothing wrong with that!"
	break
	case 13:
local.player stufftext "say I'm pretty smooth with the ugly chicks."
	break
	case 14:
local.player stufftext "say I have not seriously dated a woman since I was shot in Snowy Park 2004."
	break
	case 15:
local.player stufftext "say Never take a blind date to a silent film."
	break
	case 16:
local.player stufftext "say Never miss a good chance to shut up."
	break
	case 17:
local.player stufftext "say Let's organize this game and take all the fun out of it."
	break
	case 18:
local.player stufftext "say Im not scared of Mike Tyson, he sounds like a cartoon character."
	break
	case 19:
local.player stufftext "say Hands off my sniper, hippie. Or its your funeral."
	break
	case 20:
local.player stufftext "say Laugh at your problems, everybody else does."
	break

	case 21:
local.player stufftext "say You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
	break
	case 22:
local.player stufftext "say If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any kills at all."
	break
	case 23:
local.player stufftext "say I shoot and kill animals because I know they are guilty!"
	break
	case 24:
local.player stufftext "say A drink a day keeps the shrink away."
	break
	case 25:
local.player stufftext "say I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already!"
	break
	case 26:
local.player stufftext "say Ohhh......I got my thing out and I'm playin' with it!"
	break
	case 27:
local.player stufftext "say I can't deal with more than 19 inches."
	break
	case 28:
local.player stufftext "say Paris Hilton made me change my number."
	break
	case 29:
local.player stufftext "say The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them."
	break
	case 30:
local.player stufftext "say I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it."
	break

	case 31:
local.player stufftext "say Ah, so many noobs, so little time."
	break
	case 32:
local.player stufftext "say Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose."
	break
	case 33:
local.player stufftext "say Oops, I did it again, I came in her mouth, got lost in the game...ooh baby, baby!"
	break
	case 34:
local.player stufftext "say Stop the insanity... just say NO to grenades!"
	break
	case 35:
local.player stufftext "say If at first you don't succeed, quit, don't be a nut about success."
	break
	case 36:
local.player stufftext "say Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit."
	break
	case 37:
local.player stufftext "say I want you to put more life into your dying."
	break
	case 38:
local.player stufftext "say Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined."
	break
	case 39:
local.player stufftext "say It's all about bashing for me."
	break
	case 40:
local.player stufftext "say I like to get myself drunk and take advantage of me."
	break

	case 41:
local.player stufftext "say I like to get drunk and place bids on Ebay."
	break
	case 42:
local.player stufftext "say Does this skin make me look fat?"
	break
	case 43:
local.player stufftext "say Be glad I'm not a twin."
	break
	case 44:
local.player stufftext "say I do all my own stunts."
	break
	case 45:
local.player stufftext "say My boyfriend is out of town."
	break
	case 46:
local.player stufftext "say Guns don't kill people, I do."
	break
	case 47:
local.player stufftext "say I'm here to kill u, next time keep that chain letter going!"
	break
	case 48:
local.player stufftext "say Can't we all just get a bong?"
	break
	case 49:
local.player stufftext "say I know a guy who knows someone who can get you satisfaction."
	break
	case 50:
local.player stufftext "say Houston, I have a problem."
	break

	case 51:
local.player stufftext "say My girlfriend is always complaining that I don't listen to her, or something like that."
	break
	case 52:
local.player stufftext "say I'm a prince in Lagos, Nigeria and I want you to help me move $50 million out of the country."
	break
	case 53:
local.player stufftext "say I use to pee in the shower."
	break
	case 54:
local.player stufftext "say Im in the secret whorehouse, I pressed E-key and made a backflip to enter."
	break
	case 55:
local.player stufftext "say Finger yourself. Go on... do it."
	break
	case 56:
local.player stufftext "say The real me sucks, too."
	break
	case 57:
local.player stufftext "say Ah, yes, there's nothing like the smell of old people's farts at the bingo hall."
	break
	case 58:
local.player stufftext "say Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Who's bringing the chips?"
	break
	case 59:
local.player stufftext "say I Found Saddam's Weapons!"
	break
	case 60:
local.player stufftext "say I Didn't Do It, And I'll Never Do It Again!"
	break

	case 61:
local.player stufftext "say We're all noobs. It's just that some of us are more professional about it than others."
	break
	case 62:
local.player stufftext "say It wasn't just a gay bar, it was a great gay bar!"
	break
	case 63:
local.player stufftext "say So this is what it feels like to own..."
	break
	case 64:
local.player stufftext "say hAS aNYONE sEEN mY cAPSLOCK kEY?"
	break
	case 65:
local.player stufftext "say I am so the man! This is total man stuff! Sometimes my man'ness just blows me away."
	break
	case 66:
local.player stufftext "say This is insane, we've got to stop killing each other!"
	break
	case 67:
local.player stufftext "say When you pull the pin, Mr Grenade is no longer your friend."
	break
	case 68:
local.player stufftext "say When people are pissing you off, just remember, It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to pull the trigger of a sniper-rifle."
	break
	case 69:
local.player stufftext "say Your butt better be sealed!"
	break
	case 70:
local.player stufftext "say Women fake orgasm, men fake foreplay."
	break

	case 71:
local.player stufftext "say I use to dreadlock my pubic hair."
	break
	case 72:
local.player stufftext "say I was young and I needed the money!"
	break
	case 73:
local.player stufftext "say 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d!"
	break
	case 74:
local.player stufftext "say (((((YOU)))))((((ARE))))(((((FEELING)))))(((((SLEEPY)))))"
	break
	case 75:
local.player stufftext "say This looks like a safe place to camp."
	break
	case 76:
local.player stufftext "say The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic."
	break
	case 77:
local.player stufftext "say I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. Ok Manon?"
	break
	case 78:
local.player stufftext "say dyslexics have more fnu"
	break
	case 79:
local.player stufftext "say I'm not as think as you drunk I am."
	break
	case 80:
local.player stufftext "say Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
	break
	case 81:
local.player stufftext "say I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands on this server."
	break
	case 82:
local.player stufftext "say I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman."
	break
	case 83:
local.player stufftext "say Me no function beer well without."
	break
	}
wait 30
thread funny_dudes
end